Why would I make a post about a failure, and why would you want to read about it? Not everything we make is a home-run. Sometimes it’s a strike-out. This is one of those forgettable games. However, I will be trying it again for sure, because that’s what we do.
I’m going to break this one up to keep you from reading just total failure. We’re gonna start with the good. I’m gonna build you up with the idea and why it would’ve been awesome. Then you’re going to feel the let-down that I experienced. If that wasn’t enough, I’ll show you my salvage attempt and you’re gonna feel bad again. But we’ll cap it off with some good, some basic ass chicken tenderloins with an awesome seasoning MrsForensicBBQ had purchased for me.
No recipe this week for obvious reasons. Rollercoaster, strap on in!
The Sauce: Avocado Ranch
We’re going to make an avocado ranch. The basic concept of today’s cook was BLT (Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato) related. But I can’t do just any BLT (You know this if you read my Smoked BOLT Sandwich post. I needed that “O” – Onion). But this time we’re going to make a ranch. And not just any ranch, but an avocado ranch.
The mix was pretty simple. Add and blend. I finally got the Magic Bullet out (remembering how great that would’ve been from the Cayenne Pepper Sauce post). We went heavy on the garlic, because I only do heavy on the garlic. Blend it up and refrigerate to incorporate.
So yes, it was super garlicky. But I was okay with it. Not so much as I ate it at work throughout the week on some salads, but the flavor was light and delightful. This was going to be that extra Oomph on this sandwich. But is it going to be a sandwich? Keep reading.
The Idea: BLT Sushi Roll
Nope. Not a sandwich. We’re going sushi roll style. I bought some fancy lettuce, we’re going to slice up some avocado. We’re going to make this “sushi” roll shine. This idea came to me after I had purchased the bacon – or else I would’ve purchased a better product.
Yeah, this is definitely inflation/supply-chain-woe style bacon. I couldn’t even make the weave look good. If y’all ever made a fatty, or a bacon-wrapped meatloaf- you want this weave even and tight. This was neither. This was the first sign that maybe I should re-evaluate. Nope, we’re going to push through. I’ve made bacon a hundred times, what could go wrong. Let’s get this on the smoker for about 2 hours.
Told myself the long ends on the top (painfully obvious that I needed one extra strip of bacon) would be used to secure the wrap on the roll and that every thing would turn out just fine. Let’s drop another frog mat on top of this in case it starts to curl up. We want this weave to lay flat before we begin the roll.
Bacon was looking good, just another 5 minutes or so.
Yep. Burned the hell out of it. Not even just crispy-so-it-wouldn’t-roll crispy. Burnt-ass crispy. Well, shit. Can’t let bacon go to waste in 2022 (or ever really, but especially now). Cut the super burnt pieces off for bacon bits, and thought. What if I made a BLT, but instead of bread, I used bacon?
The Result: BOLT with Bacon as Bread
Hated it. I took one bite of this thing and it was a salty, artery clogging mouthful that I had to abandon. Removed the bacon and completed the bacon bits effort. Ate the fillings (Avocado, lettuce, tomato, and onion) and decided to accept failure. It didn’t work, couldn’t put anymore lipstick on on this pig. Let’s get to making my week of lunches.
Simple Seasoned Tenderloins
Sorry Salt Sisters, your seasoning was good enough for it’s own post, but it got buried in my failure-post. You deserve better. (Don’t worry, I used it in an upcoming AWESOME post). MrsForensicBBQ went traveling without me – again – but brought me a seasoning back. She even said “I know you like making your own, but thought you might like this one”. And I did! It had a great heat that wasn’t overpowering and more importantly – great flavor. “Dragon’s Breath” – go find it and try it.
I needed something simple, something easy, something I knew would work after that debacle that was the bacon. Gave these a heavy dusting of that Dragon’s Breath and right on the grill. Nothing else.
Guess what, I had leftover Avocado Ranch, Bacon Bits, and LTO. Put all that in a wrap with one of these tenders and it was finally a meal that tasted good. Sure, was a long road to get to this point, but at least this wrap was tasty.
This post was a little different, for sure. I wish every cook I did was miraculous and post-worthy – but they’re not. They’re definitely not. Hope you enjoyed this journey, and we’ll see you next week!